So finals week came and went. This is how I've looked for the past two weeks.

Everything came out fine--Dean's List--and I've been working on my third book for a bit. I be returning in full swing either tonight or tomorrow. Bwahahaha.

Why Are Adverbs Bad?

Me in finals week. Anybody. Somebody. Halp.

This is a run by blog post, because I am absolutely supposed to be studying dinosaurs and German verbs right now. But this is fun, whilst they are not.

So. Adverbs. Over in my internet hidey hole (AW), I often see newbies asking why Stephen King hates adverbs and why the road to hell is paved with them and are adverbs bad?


1. Because even people who've sold a gagillion books can be absolutely and unequivocally full of it.

2. The road to hell is paved with absolutist advice.

3. No. Adverbs are not bad. Not in and of themselves.


I am reasonably sure what the man meant was something along the lines of 'Adverbs frequently suffer abuse at the hands of mediocre authors who don't realize 'walking swiftly' can be replaced with 'running' 9 out of 10 times,' but because he is who he is, his fanbase began the great adverb witch hunt of the twenty-first century. And here's what I have to say about it all:

EVERYTHING IS BAD WHEN USED INCORRECTLY AND/OR IN EXCESS. 

Adjectives. Present tense verbs (you'll want to gouge your eyes out after reading things like 'I was jogging and talking while checking my phone'). Adverbs.

You'll notice I've used quite a few in this post; partly because the devil made me do it, and partly to serve a point. Some people (Mr. King is likely one of them) will find this to be an atrocious mess and want to spear every -ly word on a toasting fork. That's fine and good and dandy, and yes, I do believe self-control is a good thing in this arena. Using too many of any one thing weakens writing by making it repetitive and dilutes the message by irritating the reader. But adverbs are not bad. Bad writing is bad, and bad writers will also have bad plots and be a walking TV Tropes ad (don't go on it. Just don't. You'll never be able to leave) while abusing adverbs. They're just as much a part of the English language as verbs and nouns, and while I might like them, this post isn't (much) for that reason.

Because the advice to avoid adverbs probably wasn't about ignoring their existence indefinitely (or maybe it was; King is not on my preferred reading list); it was probably more about recognizing that adverbs are like hot sauce: the right amount makes everything even more delicious, but too much just makes you puke.

I'm behind because life is eating me....

Last week of classes this semester. Woo! I have a final worth 50% of my grade. Not woo!


I'll be late posting this week, because this----> is the expression on the universe's face when I try to do anything beyond study and and lay there in an exhausted stupor whimpering.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving from Miss Modifier!

Cheat Sheet: Part One

Let's face it, we all read something at some point and it essentially ends up meaning 'The thingy with the whatsit.' I defend my nerdom by coolly telling someone to look it up because Google is good for the soul, but I like having things together for quick references. Note: this is all the simple stuff without getting into the gory details. Those will get their own blog posts at a later date.

And without further ado...

• Nouns--as Linda Ronstadt proudly squawked in 'Different Drum,' nouns are people, places and things. Easy peasy.
• Substantives--words that function like nouns. In the sentence 'The French Revolution was instigated by the poor,' poor acts as the noun despite its typical status as an adjective. 
• Pronouns--these guys substitute for another word or phrase, i.e. 'he' for 'Joe' or 'that D&D nerd' for 'Miss Modifier.' There are sub-types of pronouns, but that's a bit more depth than the cheat sheet likes.
• Adjectives--descriptors. Tall, shiny, pretty, blue, nine, (yes, numbers are descriptors).
• Verbs--actions. Walking, running, reading...much of the time, if you can attach an 'ing' to it, it's likely an action. States of being (in the statement I think, therefore I am, the bolded are verbs) are also verbs.
• Adverbs--the beasts Stephen King likes to whine about. They modify and (and sometimes change the meaning) of nouns, verbs, and phrases. Words that end in -ly are almost always adverbs.
• Articles--words that are used with nouns and help identify them. A special group of adjectives (I know it seems a bit odd, but it isn't if you give it some thought: articles describe nouns), they can be both definite (the) and indefinite (a/an).
• Prepositions--they come before nouns, pronouns, and substantives that show a spatial, temporal, or another type of relationship.
• Conjunctions--the glue that holds two clauses together. Words such as and, but, however fall into this catagory.

Why Does Grammar Matter?

I won't lie: the fact that this is asked makes me clutch my pearls. It's like walking up to a singer and asking "Why does pitch matter?" (Don't do this. This is how you get beaten to death with an instrument.) Grammar is the skeletal structure of a language. Just like removing all the bones in a human makes them a lame pile of goo that doesn't function very well, removing grammar from language gives you Youtube and 9gag commenters.


Grammar Can Go Die, Because I still Don't Care:

You need to.

Would you be reading this if it were written like totes whatever, you. This weirdly what rules for.

No. And writing that made my brain hurt, so I hope I never ever have to do that again.

Grammar and punctuation make you--

--Pause and pick a sentence back up! And be excited about it!

Ask questions?

Trail off....

Insert, a pause, just because, squiggy lines.

Show. Emphasis.


Written communication is everything, and that's why grammar matters. It's a job/college/grad school/med school/scholarship application/grant skill that makes the difference between being at the top of the stack and being shredded. And things like run-on sentences (one next week's rant blog topics) are a huge tip off that you probably don't have the education you need. Grammar makes us clear, concise, and easy to understand. You know those people who are really awful public speakers (the ones like Miss Modifier). The type who breaks off and stutters and has false starts and changes topics all the time? Annoying, yes?

Bad grammar makes for reading experiences like those speakers. And the worst part is that they may have great content to deliver. They may have built a car that goes faster than the speed of light for all you know. But because no one knows what the hell they're trying to say, no one cares. I've had classmates with good essay topics receive failing grades because the professor didn't know what the hell they were trying to say. Because that's the thing that's becoming even more predominant in today's micro-attention world: if you don't get their attention in the beginning, you never will.

Miss Modifier Says Hi

Hello there, interwebz. As the title implies, I’m Miss Modifier. What is a modifier, you ask?

A modifier is a clause in a sentence that changes (or modifies–how shocking!) and adds details and descriptions. Nouns, adjectives, and adverbs can all be modifiers. So if I were to say “While smiting the grammatically challenged, I found a sane human,” the bolded would be modifiers. Yay? Yay!


Modifiers can do nasty things like dangle or be misplaced. These things make Miss Modifier sad, which is why she seeks to obliterate bad grammar.

Dangling Modifier: 

Having gone through all the coffins, the vampire I wanted simply wasn’t home. (Seriously. This just sounds ucky. No. NO.)
Correct: Having gone through all the coffins, I concluded the vampire I wanted simply wasn’t home. (Can you see how much easier this reads? Yes? Good. Tip: if it reads awkwardly, it’s probably wrong.)

Misplaced Modifier: 

The knife was just sharp enough to stab the zombie in the store. (This sounds like you were targeting store zombies specifically, which is generally not the goal. Zombies should be targeted regardless of location.)
Correct: The knife in the store was just sharp enough to stab the zombie.