Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving from Miss Modifier!

Cheat Sheet: Part One

Let's face it, we all read something at some point and it essentially ends up meaning 'The thingy with the whatsit.' I defend my nerdom by coolly telling someone to look it up because Google is good for the soul, but I like having things together for quick references. Note: this is all the simple stuff without getting into the gory details. Those will get their own blog posts at a later date.

And without further ado...

• Nouns--as Linda Ronstadt proudly squawked in 'Different Drum,' nouns are people, places and things. Easy peasy.
• Substantives--words that function like nouns. In the sentence 'The French Revolution was instigated by the poor,' poor acts as the noun despite its typical status as an adjective. 
• Pronouns--these guys substitute for another word or phrase, i.e. 'he' for 'Joe' or 'that D&D nerd' for 'Miss Modifier.' There are sub-types of pronouns, but that's a bit more depth than the cheat sheet likes.
• Adjectives--descriptors. Tall, shiny, pretty, blue, nine, (yes, numbers are descriptors).
• Verbs--actions. Walking, running, reading...much of the time, if you can attach an 'ing' to it, it's likely an action. States of being (in the statement I think, therefore I am, the bolded are verbs) are also verbs.
• Adverbs--the beasts Stephen King likes to whine about. They modify and (and sometimes change the meaning) of nouns, verbs, and phrases. Words that end in -ly are almost always adverbs.
• Articles--words that are used with nouns and help identify them. A special group of adjectives (I know it seems a bit odd, but it isn't if you give it some thought: articles describe nouns), they can be both definite (the) and indefinite (a/an).
• Prepositions--they come before nouns, pronouns, and substantives that show a spatial, temporal, or another type of relationship.
• Conjunctions--the glue that holds two clauses together. Words such as and, but, however fall into this catagory.

Why Does Grammar Matter?

I won't lie: the fact that this is asked makes me clutch my pearls. It's like walking up to a singer and asking "Why does pitch matter?" (Don't do this. This is how you get beaten to death with an instrument.) Grammar is the skeletal structure of a language. Just like removing all the bones in a human makes them a lame pile of goo that doesn't function very well, removing grammar from language gives you Youtube and 9gag commenters.


Grammar Can Go Die, Because I still Don't Care:

You need to.

Would you be reading this if it were written like totes whatever, you. This weirdly what rules for.

No. And writing that made my brain hurt, so I hope I never ever have to do that again.

Grammar and punctuation make you--

--Pause and pick a sentence back up! And be excited about it!

Ask questions?

Trail off....

Insert, a pause, just because, squiggy lines.

Show. Emphasis.


Written communication is everything, and that's why grammar matters. It's a job/college/grad school/med school/scholarship application/grant skill that makes the difference between being at the top of the stack and being shredded. And things like run-on sentences (one next week's rant blog topics) are a huge tip off that you probably don't have the education you need. Grammar makes us clear, concise, and easy to understand. You know those people who are really awful public speakers (the ones like Miss Modifier). The type who breaks off and stutters and has false starts and changes topics all the time? Annoying, yes?

Bad grammar makes for reading experiences like those speakers. And the worst part is that they may have great content to deliver. They may have built a car that goes faster than the speed of light for all you know. But because no one knows what the hell they're trying to say, no one cares. I've had classmates with good essay topics receive failing grades because the professor didn't know what the hell they were trying to say. Because that's the thing that's becoming even more predominant in today's micro-attention world: if you don't get their attention in the beginning, you never will.

Miss Modifier Says Hi

Hello there, interwebz. As the title implies, I’m Miss Modifier. What is a modifier, you ask?

A modifier is a clause in a sentence that changes (or modifies–how shocking!) and adds details and descriptions. Nouns, adjectives, and adverbs can all be modifiers. So if I were to say “While smiting the grammatically challenged, I found a sane human,” the bolded would be modifiers. Yay? Yay!


Modifiers can do nasty things like dangle or be misplaced. These things make Miss Modifier sad, which is why she seeks to obliterate bad grammar.

Dangling Modifier: 

Having gone through all the coffins, the vampire I wanted simply wasn’t home. (Seriously. This just sounds ucky. No. NO.)
Correct: Having gone through all the coffins, I concluded the vampire I wanted simply wasn’t home. (Can you see how much easier this reads? Yes? Good. Tip: if it reads awkwardly, it’s probably wrong.)

Misplaced Modifier: 

The knife was just sharp enough to stab the zombie in the store. (This sounds like you were targeting store zombies specifically, which is generally not the goal. Zombies should be targeted regardless of location.)
Correct: The knife in the store was just sharp enough to stab the zombie.